As I write this, I am on call as a birth doula, to provide additional support at the end of pregnancy and throughout labour and birth. Good birth support can make a huge difference but what does that mean?
Let’s start with what a labouring woman might need? For every birth, women need to feel safe, supported, informed, reassured and able to do what works for them. If a labouring woman feels vulnerable and unable, birth can be overwhelming and scary.
Many of the partners I speak to feel like they will be a spare part, with nothing to do but there is a lot for birth partners to do throughout…
provide plenty of positive encouragement especially if your partner is overwhelmed and feels like she can’t keep going
offer food and water
help her to be comfortable with positions, pillows, soft lights
remind her to wee at least every hour to prevent a full bladder
does she want music?
make sure there’s no interruptions - it can be useful to have a calm, quiet birth space with little chat
ask what she needs
gather information from your midwife so you both continue to be informed and able to make any decisions
eye to eye contact and slow steady breathing will help to keep her calm and focused
be attentive, responsive and caring
speak quietly and gently
encourage rest in-between contractions
cuddle, hold hands, massage, connect
be calm
just be there
The key to birth support is to keep it simple and to follow your partner’s lead. If you can be as positive and as calm as possible, you can provide practical support so she is comfortable, able to move around and feel safe.
It’s not easy for birth partners either, who can feel lost and might struggle to see their partner experiencing pain and panic. Using a doula as an additional birth partner can make a world of difference as this supports both of you.
Keep your own strength up – you need food, drinks and some rest where possible.
Look after yourself when supporting your partner, try not to stay in an uncomfortable position for too long.
If you need support and reassurance, ask your midwife for information to help you stay calm. She is there for you too and you might just need to know that everything is normal.
Of course this is where good birth preparation comes in as well so you are well informed, equipped with strategies and realistic expectations, more confident about options and managing the challenges.
You can access the birth guides, leave a question or comment below and you can also arrange a conversation with me.