The reality of life with a new baby
The early days and weeks with your baby are about getting to know your baby and trying to put your expectations to the side so instinct can take over. It can be a peaceful time or it can be an overwhelming time, depending on how settled your baby is.
If this is your first baby, the weight of responsibility can feel enormous, along with the desire to get this right. In Western society, we focus more on having independent, settled babies than on giving our babies what they need to feel more settled and safe.
While instinct will guide you to respond to your baby, to pick him up, to gently rock and soothe him, the confidence to follow it can be knocked by comments and what we think we should be doing.
Babies have only needs, so they are…
safe
warm
responded to
fed
comfortable
New babies are adjusting to being outside the womb - some do this easily, not phased by their new world but others need the womb replicating for several weeks to ease this adjustment. Your baby may love being carried around, napping in your arms, being rocked, having eye contact, being soothed by your voice.
You also need to adapt to life with your new baby, so it can help to expect:
some chaos - even simple things can be complicated and seem unachievable
not to have the answers - and these often can’t be found in a book either
change - what works one day might not work the next
to be on duty during the day, as well as through the night
to need some support - it can be helpful to ask for and to accept help with practical things like shopping, cooking, washing and looking after any older children
Babies need consistency and a response because they are growing, adapting and developing every day. Get to know your baby, try to give her what she needs - this won't always be easy to work out but to begin with it will probably be all about being fed and being close to you. Oh and maybe some wind as well.
You might feel rudderless and out of control initially, which might make you feel like you are getting it all wrong. You’re not. As you get to know your baby and as you learn to meet her needs, you will become calmer and more confident in your role as a parent. It just takes time and this is different for every parent.
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It also helps to book some time with me so you can prepare for life with your new baby as well as to provide consistent reassurance as you find your feet with your new baby.
I hope this has been a useful read - please do pass this on to anyone who is having a baby - and let me have any comments or questions.
The Mother Cuppa Lounge - little online space for you to read, learn about and discuss pregnancy, birth, babies and being a family - opens on October 1.