As parents we make comparisons to other families, we compare babies and we compare our lives and capabilities and successes with anyone on social media but does it ever really do any good?
Sometimes it can inspire change and provide reassurance but it can also make us feel inadequate or like we are failing in some way.
Long before social media, I had a baby who would not, who could not settle away from me - she needed to be held close all the time. I didn’t know anything about the first 12 weeks, how some babies need the womb replicating for longer but I tried my best to meet her needs while also criticising myself for getting something wrong. The learning curve was steep but I eventually realised I had to focus on the needs of my family and build up my own confidence.
Sometimes it can feel like everyone else has it all together but no-one shares the struggles and we don’t know what challenges other people are dealing with.
Comparisons can remove our confidence and it can stoke jealousy. But everyone lives differently so it can be more positive to focus on what will work best for you and for your family, as well as what is actually achievable.
Making comparisons can be very natural, a way to evaluate our actions and accomplishments, possibly to fit in and to have reassurance that we are doing things correctly. So maybe managing comparisons is using it for good, reflecting on what you are doing well, despite any challenges, and what changes or tweaks you might like to make.
Recently, social media has been getting me down and I’ve been feeling inadequate, lost and stuck so I’ve had to shift my perspective and focus on how I want to live my life now that I no longer have dependent children.
I’ve realised that the power of comparison is always bringing the focus back to you and what matters in your life.
Questions to focus on you
what are your current challenges?
what are you doing well?
what small steps could you take to handle these challenges?
Don’t forget to use your breathing to head off stress
You can bring quick and simple breathing techniques into your day.
Being honest with yourself and having the space to talk, think and plan can make all the difference. I can also work with you during and beyond the postnatal period to talk through the challenges, to ease stress, to focus on more balance and being the parent you want to be.
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