I've had conversations with 2nd parents recently who want to have a stronger voice in labour, to trust their instincts, to look for less external guidance and to be able to say what they need.
It's not unusual to be in labour and to wait to be told what to do by a midwife. While a midwife's role is to support, reassure and observe, she is not in labour so only you can say what you need and what feels right.
As an antenatal specialist and birth doula, I try to encourage parents to put themselves at the centre of their care - so labouring women can do and say what they need and so birth partners can provide effective encouragement.
It helps to:
1) have an understanding of what labour and birth involves - what needs to happen, what it can look/feel like, what can help and what might not
2) know here the challenges might be and what you might need
3) have a birth plan that encourages communication and individual care
4) breathe for calm, move as you need to and find your own way of working with your contractions
5) remember that you don't have to wait to be told what to do - go into this with a plan of strategies for contractions, tiredness, feeling supported and safe and making decisions.
Labour is often about taking in one contraction at a time and going with what feels right for you. As a doula, I am guided by each labouring woman - I look for the out-stretched arm when she may want to change position, I check her facial expressions and I ask her what she needs.
I once attended a birth where my client was in the birthing pool and, while she appeared calm, she wasn’t that relaxed and her contractions started to slow. I asked her what she wanted to do and she immediately said she wanted to get out of the pool. She said she felt too exposed and she wanted to be cosy. One night-dress and a fluffy dressing gown later, she was having strong contractions and she was back in control. Baby came a couple of hours later. Say what you need!
- ask questions -
Having a voice also means gathering information as you need it, asking questions and knowing your options if labour isn’t as straightforward as you had hoped it would be.
It’s also about being clear about what matters to you - you don’t have to do anything if you don’t understand why or what it is for.
If you are planning for something that is outside of your hospital policies - such as a vbac, not wanted regular internal examinations, to use the pool or a birthing centre if your BMI is high - it helps to make an agreement with the hospital in pregnancy so your choices can be better supported when you are in labour.
If you are pregnant, I'd love to help you prepare for your labour and birth. Just let me know if you'd like to discuss this further. I am based in the North East and I work with parents everywhere.