You might not even know the answer to this yet but this is a question I think about a lot. There is so much riding on being the right kind of parent and I have no clue if I’ve got it right.
As a mother, I can carry so much worry and guilt about the work/life balance, my parenting style, saying the wrong things, did I do it well enough? The pressure can be incredible.
Being a parent has fulfilled and consumed me and I can honestly say I have only ever done my best. I can also say that I’m sure my husband has never given this a thought.
I have a skewed view of family. I wasn’t raised with my siblings - I didn’t even know I had any until I was 15 - and I didn’t have a close relationship to my dad, although I was brought up by a loving step-father. My relationship with my mum was also strained, due to her mental health.
When I became a parent, I threw much of the blueprint for parenting away because I didn’t want to repeat the toxic and distant I had often experienced. It hasn’t been easy and I know I am not alone in needing to parent differently.
To answer the question for myself, I wanted to create a stable family home where my children could bring friends, where they could live and grow. I wanted my children to be able to come to me and to know I am there for them.
I haven’t always got it right - no-one does - and there have been some incredible challenges for me and for my children. I have always fought their corner, I have stepped up but I think much of this is invisible, I’m not sure we ever see what our parents do for us. And that’s fine.
It occurred to me recently that we only ever have our own experience of being parented, we only have that experience to criticise and find fault with. We all parent differently and, while I want my children to know I am there when they need me, I also believe they need to make their own mistakes, as well as to find solutions. And a huge part of parenting as children get older is that we can’t fix their problems - I’ll never forget my teenage daughter saying “Mum, you can’t make this better with a biscuit and a cuddle” when she was starting to struggle in high school.
Being a parent can be really painful at times, we don’t always have the right answers and we can only ever do our best.
I’d love your thoughts and comments.
"As a mother, I can carry so much worry and guilt about the work/life balance, my parenting style, saying the wrong things, did I do it well enough? The pressure can be incredible."
The very fact that you care about these things means a lot! All is a learning experience that never stops! :)